As I travel my way back home. Something flashed back in my mind because of the simple retort of my boyfriend. I was asking for him to say I love you but I didn’t hear it. So I told him to repeat it. He got pissed, because frankly, I do that all the time. For several weeks I’ve been sort of a brat and asking him of a little more effort in his end. But as I talk to my Pastor,it seemed that everything I’m whining about is just me. He ask me if what I’m feeling got to do with my parents’ relationship. And now, I realized everything. I was mad at the guy who broke my heart. And I never got to say it straight at him.
To you who broke my everything, here’s want I want to say.
I hate you. I hate everything that you did to me. I hate that you broke my heart. I hate that I didn’t take the chance to shout at you. To hit you in the face. To spat everything that you did to me. To say bad words at you. And just be mad at you.
Sadly, I didn’t. Sadly, I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t have a chance. But because I couldn’t.
I couldn’t because though you broke me. Because of this chapter in our lives, I learned so much. I learned:
- How to love without expecting anything in return
- Sacrifice my own needs and wants for you.
- How to believe that there is good in people.
- That love, above all things is the most important.
- How to call out to God.
- How to love my family more.
- That family are your first support.
- That no matter how big your mistakes, your family will always accept you back.
- Even if it was the worst feeling in the world, you can still forgive.
I was so in love with you. I thought you were the one. Made myself believe that you were THE ONE.
I can’t bring back that time anymore. I will never be able to bring back that time anymore. I will never be able to retrace my steps and take back everything. The “‘I wish that I could have done things differently” is an understatement. I wished that I could have a time machine and listened to God and to the people around me. I wished that my heart was not broken. I wished that I was not naive that time.
I will never get back to that time. I will never be able to reverse my decisions that time. I WILL NEVER. And now, I will never be able to say this hate letter to you. Cause I know it won’t be necessary anymore.
I am praying and hoping that this post is enough for me to really let this go. To not remember you anymore. And to not think about you anymore whenever my love now says things. I am really praying that though we broke each other hearts, may I learn to be brave enough to fight again for love. May I learn that his love is enough for me. May I learn, that I should be calm and go with the flow in our relationship. May I learn to be more confident in myself.
And to you, S. I let you go. Thank you for all the memories. May you be happy.